How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
