Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
