K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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