You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
