So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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