handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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