my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
