margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
