Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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