if you like me you must not know who I am
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
