listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
