we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
