He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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