I wanna bring you to show and tell
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
