I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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