Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
