I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
