So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
