just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
