im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
