break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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