Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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