He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
