Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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