Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
