I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
