I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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