I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
