I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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