Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
