MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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