Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
