Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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