Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
