Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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