So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
