insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize