I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
