Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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