Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
