I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
