i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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