last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
