When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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