Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
