Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
