Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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