No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
