she was so not down for the gang bang
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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