my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
