Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize