I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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