ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
