4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Houston, we have a squirter
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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