I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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