Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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