Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
