I want to have your abortion
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
false alarm, still single
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
