I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
