I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
