I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
