i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
