You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
