she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
