She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
