I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
