I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
