my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
