dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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