Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
