dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
