Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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