how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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