I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
