I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
